Sometimes Lyrics Say It All...

Nothing Lasts Forever
By Maroon 5

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
I Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

But we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

***

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
By John Mayer

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

Go cry about it - why don't you?

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room,
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?

***

Better That We Break
By Maroon 5

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby

The Latest...

Wow. It's been a long time since I've blogged. Way too long. In fact, you can't really call this a blog since I rarely update it, but still, it's mine, and I can write when I feel up to it. Unfortunately lately, I haven't felt up to much creativity at all. I was really trying to play guitar, but I just can't. It's like writer's block. You sit down and you've just got nothing. And that's me in a nutshell these days. I have nothing to give.

Things are getting better with my mental health, although the panic attack I suffered yesterday would say otherwise. I'm finally seeing someone regularly, and I'm finally starting to get stronger. You know how they say that when a door closes, a window opens? That applies to my life, only in a rather different and more negative way. As I'm finally getting the care I need and starting to get better, my marriage is falling apart. I won't get into it in detail, or it would take a strong coffee and many hours of reading to finish this post, but I will say that it's been coming for a while and now that I'm stronger, I can do something about it.

And now that I'm doing something, sticking up for myself, my Son, even my Dog. I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me. Everything that I've built up over the past four years is falling apart at the seams. My heart, already full of holes and painful memories has shattered into a million pieces and I feel as though nothing will ever make it right.

Whenever I do write lately, it usually starts out happy enough and ends with the most depressing things that just come pouring out of me. I'll try to change that. I'll try to write here more too, when I find that I have some creativity or at least some will at my fingertips.

Venting, Olympics, Blah Blah Blah

So I'm sitting here at my computer, just leaning back and listening to the music coming from my Husband's computer: "This is ground control to major Tom..." feeling spaced out and looking at my desktop (which is currently a beautiful field with a perfect tree in the middle) and wishing I was there. (That was possibly the longest run-on sentence I've ever written.) Sitting under the shade of that tree would be pretty awesome about now.

Things have been rough lately. You know how you go through good times, and they're awesome, and then you go through bad times, and you think 'with good comes bad', and then you go through more bad times, and you think 'well, things have been bad for so long, they've got to change anytime now for the better' and then you go through more bad times and you start to feel like your life is going to be a pile of bad things forever, and you search frantically some reason for all your misfortune, but you can't find it and...

Whoa now. We don't want to vent too much negativity on the PG blog. So how about that Michael Phelps? I'm not personally a huge fan of the USA Olympic team. Generally I cheer for Canada first and Australia second. But this Phelps guy, you've got to give him credit. 8 gold medals in one Olympics. 8 gold medals. That's just unreal. And I mean, these Chinese Olympics Officials are just loving it. You see, 8 is a lucky number in China. They started the Olympics at 8:00 on the 8th day of the 8th month of the year 2008. And now the lead story in the entire Olympics just went: 8 for 8 in gold. Lots of drunken, happy Chinese is what I'm thinking. Lots of drunken Chinese karaoke. "Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree!"

8 Gold Medals in 8 Events, U.S.A's Michael Phelps

Seriously though, these athletes are getting just unreal. Take for example the men's 100 metre finals. The Jamaican athlete who won resembled a God more than a Man. Usain Bolt was in his first year running in the event, and he broke his own World Record by a lot. You're thinking wow, right? You haven't even heard the good part. For the last 15 metres, he coasted, banging his chest mightily and then hanging his arms at his sides. If he hadn't been such a show boat, he would have a had a way better World Record on his golden running shoes, but the point is, how can these athletes be this much better? Sure, there's newer training facilities, newer equipment, newer athletic wear, but that can't come close to making up this large a difference. Do they have some secret facility in Geneva where they breed Superhumans from each nationality for the Olympics? I remember watching Donovan Bailey win the gold and set the world record, and become the fastest man in the World. I distinctly remember him pumping as hard as he could with his arms until he passed the finish line as well. But Time makes a fool of us if we turn our backs on it for too long. I'm just crossing my fingers that this phenomenon doesn't cross over to the NHL and make Gretzky's records look pesky. What's that? Oh yeah, that won't happen until hell freezes over.

Easily beating his own World Record, Jamaica's
Usain (Lightning) Bolt

Drive Thru Computer

The average person probably goes to their computer a few times a day. Maybe more. But I, I go to my computer dozens of times a day. This sounds sad, and may make it seem as though I have no life, which is untrue, but it's really all about geography. You see, my computer resides in our living room on an inviting, round, red coffee table, and since I frequently pass through the living room during the day, I am usually drawn to my computer. Have I got a new e-mail? Usually, I have. Has anything new happened on Facebook? Usually, there has. Have I had a sleep walking episode and written a blog in the middle of the night? Unfortunately, no.

And you see, therein lies the problem: I am on my computer a lot, but I never actually do anything. Well, I do feed and compete my dogs on the Pet Pupz application on Facebook religiously, but other than that, nothing I do is very productive (if you can even consider feeding cyber-pets as productive).

I should be blogging, I should be writing long and interesting e-mails with which to surprise my family, who for the most part don't hear from me often, and certainly not by long-winded letters. I should be working on my new book project. The problem with being your own boss and also being the only current employee is that you can get away with procrastination extremely easily, since you only have yourself to talk into it, and you're the one who wants to put off your work in the first place.

The sum of all this garble: I need to stop using my computer like a drive thru window and start spending quality time doing worthwhile things instead of Facebook creeping. I know I can do this. I will do this! Please give me a moment while I laugh at myself.

Dog Day After Eight

Life is funny. You make this list of all these things you need to improve on. It's this endless list that gets things added on more often then taken off. And then sometimes you're just out doing the same thing you do everyday, and it just happens. You get the courage to check something off your list.

Countless times when taking my dog Emma outside in the evening, I've seen a group of dogs and people in the park across the street. I figured they must have some special club thing, and always thought it would be really neat if I took Em over one day and joined in.

Today was the day. She made a few friends, she cowered at a big mastiff cross named Pete who seemed to be in love with her. His owner kept saying "I know she's cute Pete, but leave her alone, you're scaring her". I met a few people as well, apparently they fell into an impromptu gather at the park nightly at Eight-ish. So Emma and I will be there tomorrow, and hopefully she'll hide behind me a little less, and play with the other dogs a little more ;0)