Wow. It's been a long time since I've blogged. Way too long. In fact, you can't really call this a blog since I rarely update it, but still, it's mine, and I can write when I feel up to it. Unfortunately lately, I haven't felt up to much creativity at all. I was really trying to play guitar, but I just can't. It's like writer's block. You sit down and you've just got nothing. And that's me in a nutshell these days. I have nothing to give.
Things are getting better with my mental health, although the panic attack I suffered yesterday would say otherwise. I'm finally seeing someone regularly, and I'm finally starting to get stronger. You know how they say that when a door closes, a window opens? That applies to my life, only in a rather different and more negative way. As I'm finally getting the care I need and starting to get better, my marriage is falling apart. I won't get into it in detail, or it would take a strong coffee and many hours of reading to finish this post, but I will say that it's been coming for a while and now that I'm stronger, I can do something about it.
And now that I'm doing something, sticking up for myself, my Son, even my Dog. I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me. Everything that I've built up over the past four years is falling apart at the seams. My heart, already full of holes and painful memories has shattered into a million pieces and I feel as though nothing will ever make it right.
Whenever I do write lately, it usually starts out happy enough and ends with the most depressing things that just come pouring out of me. I'll try to change that. I'll try to write here more too, when I find that I have some creativity or at least some will at my fingertips.
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1 comment:
Your Latest was awesome, you summed up your world in 4 paragraphs. Sure it's going to hurt like hell. Sure you are going to feel like you are being beaten down and don't want to get up. BUT you must get up, you must give life a kick in the ass when it kicks you, surprise all the haters out there that think you can't do it and DO IT. You are a strong, confident woman and you are not going to take shit from anyone. You have a beautiful son and lovely dog, those things come with work so now you have to focus on you and put the work where it's mouth is. You can get through this and I will be here and there, if you need me, to support you through your travels. <3
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